Low.

Happy fake Monday, dudes.  It wasn’t a great one.  I stayed up late last night writing thank you notes, and didn’t take a minute to myself from the time I got home to the time I went to bed.  I had a particularly vivid nightmare about being chased by Captain Hook and Mr. Smee that made me wake up in a cold sweat.

This, however, was good:

0330 001

Cantaloupe!  Is it in season now?  Because I was inspired to buy one yesterday, and that was a good decision.  It’s one of those fruits that I used to not like but now I do.  Maybe I’ll come around to honeydew soon!

It was supposed to be a morning snack, but I wasn’t really hungry for one, so I waited until lunchtime.  My lunch also included:   0330 002

A hunk of pretzel bread and a Wee Brie cheese.  (Not going to lie, I bought it largely because of the name.)

And a yogurt mess.

 0330 003

Totally for the sake of the wedding, I finished things off with a caramel.  These are samples for our wedding favors!  They are delicious.  I think the guests will like them. 0330 004

Around 4 o’clock, I snacked on a Kind bar.  It was good, but tasted like a handful of mixed nuts, and mixed nuts are cheaper.  Oh well.  0330 005

Heh.  Nut Delight.  Giggle snort.

Anyway.  My plan was to try to get 5 miles in today.  Mentally, I wasn’t feeling it.  I just wanted a relaxing night at home with Tim and the zoo, but since I can’t work out tomorrow (another dress fitting!) and Thursday (podiatrist!) I went anyway.

I ran 1.25 miles.  And I quit because the pain was so bad.

What pain?  Well, let me preface this by saying I switched from the cushiony insoles from the running store to my regular shoe sockliner because my left knee and hips were complaining after last week’s long run disaster.  I figured the sockliner would make me blister, but at least my joints would be okay. 

Wrong.

Here is what hurt.  A LOT.

  • Left knee.  Less hurty than it was clicky and kind of loose and unstable feeling.
  • Left outside-of-the-shin muscle from my knee down to my ankle. 
  • Top of my left foot.
  • Blister on my right big toe from god knows what.
  • Right inside-of-the-shin muscle.

I haven’t run since Thursday, so my body has had four days off.  And everything from my knees down was just awful feeling.  My head knew that stopping was the smart thing to do.

I left the gym.  I walked to my car and I cried in the gym parking lot.

Oh, hell, I cried most of the way home, too, and when I saw Tim.

I did what Hal said.  But I have serious doubts about my ability to finish this half marathon, and I hate it.  I have given up so much time to training.   It’s days like today that make me want to throw in the towel and sit on the couch and get fat again.

Of course, the first thing I did when I stopped running was fat talk.

You ate so much crap this weekend.  No wonder your body is breaking down, it can’t carry all the weight.”

Who do you think you are trying to run a marathon?  You’re just the fat little kid in gym class.”

You’re not a runner.  You’re too fat to be a runner.  You never will be.  Runners are thin.”

And so on, and so on. 

I don’t know what I’m going to do right now.  I am so glad I have an appointment with a podiatrist on Thursday.  I hope I can get some answers, because I know the root of all these problems is in my feet.  Everything I have tried to make this better has just made it worse.

And so I’m feeling low.  Two weeks ago, I was 100% sure I would be able to finish.  Now I’m not so sure at all.

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25 Responses

  1. you can do it!

  2. Brie…everybody has times where they feel the goal they have set themselves is unreachable because they get at a point (injury or emotionally related) that breaks down their spirit. Don’t let that happen to you! Take a deep breath, let your legs heal up and figure out what to do with your podiatrist appointment and come up with a new plan of action! You can do it…I (and I’m sure your hundreds of followers) believe in you!

  3. I wish I could reach through cyberspace and give you a big hug!

    You are a strong, intelligent, courageous woman – you CAN do this! YOU! Are a runner!

  4. First, I’d say that you should go to your appointment, get your assessment, and come up with a plan of attack. The appointment will provide perspective and hopefully answers.

    Second: You are a runner. Period. From the day you decided to take that first run, you became a runner. Never let anyone — or fat talk — tell you otherwise.

  5. Don’t panic! My last long run before my 1/2 marathon was a disaster. And I skimped a little on running the week and a half or so before the actual race. And you know what? I ended up sprinting to the finish. You will be able to do this. Good luck at the podiatrist on Thursday!

  6. Hang in there! Try to remember the feeling you had two weeks ago about being sure you can finish. See what the doctor has to say and then reconfigure your race prep plan. It’s ok to feel discouraged but think about all you already accomplished! You can do it : )

  7. If I see you call yourself the fat kid in gym class ever again, I’m going to kick your ass.

    Just sayin.

  8. Oh my heart goes out to you! I just had a HORRIBLE run on Sunday. I couldn’t finish my miles and gave myself a huge dose of negative self-talk. The worst part is, that when you don’t know what the problem is your mind can invent all kinds of things that it “might” be. But, the truth is that somedays just suck. The body doesn’t work. And then, there’s a new day. I hope that you feel back on top of things soon. Be gracious to yourself. Forgive you. Then move on.

  9. you don’t believe in yourself, huh? well it’s a good thing the rest of us do! 🙂

  10. Come on girl, get real. You are amazing & you CAN do a marathon. Don’t let this bad day bring you down.

    You’re hardly what anyone could dare call fat. You’re GORGEOUS. & on top of that, you’re an inspiration. You’ve inspired me to get off my ass & start running!

  11. Brie, you can do this! And you are definitely a runner. Honestly, reading your blog is one of the reasons I started running myself. You inspired me to sign up for my first race in May. So hang in there, chica, because we all have bad days/weeks in the exercise world.

    As for the knee and shins, I find that taking a couple ibuprofen and icing works wonders for me. If you haven’t done it already, it might be worth a try.

  12. You need a mantra. It sounds silly but it seriously helps. My marathon mantra was: I am strong, I am tough, I am a runner. I work hard to reach my goals. I can accomplish anything. I am a runner.
    During the particularly difficult parts of the marathon I could only repeat, I am a runner, but it was enough and it was helpful.

    Get back on it woman, you know deep down you can.

  13. First of all, you are NONE of those horrible things that you were thinking today. I think we all have bad days where we totally trash ourselves. I do it more often than I’d like to admit. But you gotta brush it off and start new tomorrow! Seriously, there are not many people in this world that can say they ran 10 MILES like you did the other day. That is quite an accomplishment. I hope you can get some answers about your feet soon!!

  14. I am so, so sorry you’re having all of these problems. Hopefully the visit with the podiatrist will give you some answers or at least a plan of attack to figure it out. That said, you’ve got enough training in you to finish the half. If you can run 10, you can run 13.1. It may not be as fast as it would have been, but you’ll be just fine on race day. Give your body what it needs, do what you can, and go into race day with a goal to finish and have fun. You’ll be OK.

  15. I’m sorry that you are feeling so down on yourself – I don’t know if this will make you feel any better – but know that you are totally an inspiration to me!! Our stories are pretty similar, and while running hasn’t been a big part of my weight loss story…….. seeing what you have accomplished has really inspired me!!! So, while I know you are going to be bummed no matter what… you are a ROCKSTAR and I aspire to run as far and as fast as you!! So keep up the good work!!! 🙂

  16. Brie, you can absolutely do this. You have not failed AT ALL. Our bodies tell us what our limits are, and you are a smart woman to listen to yours today. Hopefully the podiatrist will have answers for you. But when everything is said and done, just completing that rigorous training schedule is something to be proud of. You are an inspiration to a lot of blog readers out there (including me!).

  17. Hey Brie,
    I’ve been reading for awhile, but I’m not sure I’ve ever commented…everyone has those days (even the skinniest of them, believe me). I have been running for years now, BUT I know the second I start piling on the miles without cross-training I get injured. I’ve definitely notice a lack of cross-training in your training. Maybe it is something to keep in mind, I don’t know?
    The good news is, if treated right, injuries go away. Last fall I had to grit my teeth and opt out of a half I was super excited about (although the BF still did it, and I was super bitter the whole day). If it seems like the right choice, you might just have to… I’m not saying that is what I think you should do, I am just saying, it is OK if that is what your body needs! Listen to it!
    Sooo, long story short, you are a lovely and smart lady… it will work out! As crappy as you feel tonight, I am sure giving up and being a couch potato would feel worse (but you already know that)!

  18. You CAN do this half marathon. Putting your mind to it is half the battle. Getting out there and doing it is the other half. We all know you can do it! Now go out there and kick some ass! 🙂

  19. YOU CAN DO IT!!! I know how hard and draining it is, I have been there, but you need to think about how bad you want to accomplish this amazing goal. You have already hit 10 miles right? You are so on track to rock it! Stay STRONG

  20. You are a BEAUTIFUL woman Brie! And capable of so many things, you’ve already proven that to yourself. You did the right thing by listening to your body and by seeking help. You will totally finish the half.

    I have done PT for my knee and hamstring in the course of the past four years due to running issues and it really helped. Maybe worth checking out.

    Stay stron chica! Reflect on the positive.

  21. Your post really spoke to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stuck in that “fat talk vortex.” And once you’re there, it’s sometimes hard to get out.

    Recently I ran my first 8k race. I did it without walking at all (my goal) and for about a week afterward my ankle REALLY hurt a lot. So much so, I stopped running for over a week and didn’t do much of exercising at all. I got really depressed feeling like my running days were over. I went to the doc and she said I might have had a touch of bursitis and to take a week off from running, and don’t do hills. I’m better now but some days it’s still tender.

    It sucks being injured. Hang in there!

  22. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!

    Maybe you should talk to the podiatrist about the barefoot running idea – if you google “barefoot running” you’ll find a bunch of articles about it.

    My FI bought a pair of Vibrams (the original barefoot running shoe) and loves them. Apparently a lot of running injuries can result from our heel striking the ground first – it shocks our system more. With the Vibrams (or similar products) your stride will change, which my FI struggled with at first (muscles ached in different spots than he was used to), but he hasn’t really had any running related injuries since he started using them.

    Also, if you don’t want to go that route, maybe you should have someone analyze your running stride.

    Good luck! Stay positive!!

  23. I’ve followed your blog for quite some time but never posted.

    As a fellow runner I want you to know that we all have days like that. We can all relate to days when the run is less than satisfactory (in our opinion) and we feel like nothing more than going home and eating an entire box of Girl Scout cookies (or any temptation of your choice). The important thing to remember is that you ARE a runner! Runner’s don’t give up in just one day. They go back out there the next. We all have a drive within us to strive for that faster/further time, or simply to enjoy that next run more. We’re here to encourage each other, find motivation together, and take it to the road/treadmill. So the next time you have a bad day– know that you belong to a huge community across the nation (thanks to the WWW) that has your back.

    I know you motivate me on a daily basis. I’ve purchased a HRM because of your suggestions and I’m finally getting back to my “competitive speed” that I had lost after 8 months of sloth-dom.

    So — know that you are a rockstar (albeit a rockstar with blisters) and when this girl is pounding the pavement in Bloomington, IN she is using you as inspiration.

    You most certainly can do a half marathon– if not in two weeks, soon!

  24. Agreed with the post above. You’re an inspiration! My half marathon is about 2 weeks after yours, so I’m a little behind you on the training schedule. When I don’t feel like doing something or pushing myself, I tell myself, “Brie did it! So can I!”. You WILL finish the half marathon!!

  25. Brie, you are going to finish that damn half marathon if I have to fo Kansas City (Missouri) and drag you across that finish line myself!! 😛

    Just remember, you have done a LOT of runs over these past months. Is it safe to say many of these runs have felt awesome? Don’t let one bad one diminish all the hard work you’ve put in. You’ve accomplished way more than most people can even wrap their head around. I bet there are women at the gym who look at you thinking “damn! I wish I could be a runner like her!”

    As a side note, I have really scrawny limbs and I am really jealous of women with strong legs. They always run past me in races and whiz past me on the bike.

    Good luck at the foot doctor tomorrow!!! xoxo

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