Open Letter Thursday: Stressed Bride Edition

Lauren over at Salt Says does a thing called “Open Letter Thursday” that I like very much.  I have decided to have my own Open Letter Thursday today. 


Dear everyone:

First things first.  I appreciate your love and support while planning our wedding.  I am thrilled with everyone’s generosity and kindness in helping us with various things.

Planning a wedding is not rocket science, nor is it a) something I have dreamed of since fetushood or b) the most exciting thing I’ve ever done in my life.  Planning a wedding involves a shitton of details that frankly, I do not care about.  In 20 years, I will not remember what song was playing while we cut our cake, nor will I remember the make and model of car that drove us the seven minutes to our reception. 

Wedding planning, while not particularly mentally taxing, is pretty stressful.  But it doesn’t have to be!  The stress, at least in my experience, is not self-imposed, but is pushed on us by those around us.  So, people of the world, when dealing with a bride planning a wedding, here are some things to keep in mind:

  1. It is not helpful to stress us out with small details.  Every day phone calls and e-mails are not necessary about minor details.  For example: the color of the ribbon used on centerpieces at the reception will not stress me out (nor should it stress out any reasonable person.)  But fifteen e-mails asking me about the shade, width, and bow style tied on the centerpiece will, in sum, stress me out.  Make a choice.  If I have an opinion on something important to me, I will let you know. 
  2. There’s a lot of pressure on brides to be over-the-moon excited and happy about their wedding.  I feel like everyone I talk to thinks I should be in a state of absolute euphoria from now until May 8, farting rainbows and carrying kittens in my purse wherever I go.  The reality of it is that I am stressed, and I am nervous about having 200 people watch me walk down an aisle in a dress with a train and heels, and I am a little bit awed and anxious about the huge commitment I’m about to make.  I have absolutely no doubts about marrying Tim and the strength of our relationship, and yes, I’m excited and happy…but it’s okay for me to be scared, stressed, and nervous, too.  Please don’t make me feel inadequate for these feelings.
  3. It is certainly not “my day.”  It’s not even “our day.”  Weddings, like funerals, are less about the people they are for and more for the people attending.  We are trying our best to make our guests happy.  That’s not to say the wedding doesn’t suit our tastes and styles, because it does, but many of the decisions we have made have been for the benefit of others over ourselves.  So please don’t blame everything on our self-centeredness.  We have done our best to be gracious and accommodating to our guests.
  4. If you call me a princess, I will punch you in the junk. The only person allowed to refer to herself as a princess on the wedding day is our three-year-old flower girl.
  5. Making decisions does not make me a bridezilla. Frankly, when given the option of, say, roses, peonies, and lilies, I would rather say just “peonies” and have the discussion over with than hem and haw and debate the merits of each flower for hours on end, asking every other person attending the wedding what they would prefer. 

So, there you go.  Five easy tips for a much happier, calmer bride.

Respectfully submitted,



14 Responses

  1. I LOVE this post. I had the same feelings last spring when I was planning my own wedding. Just be you and do what makes you enjoy your day most. You should only worry about the happiness of 2 people – yours and your hubby-to-be!
    Great post!

  2. I adore you. Even if you don’t fart rainbows. I agree with you on most counts. Except I’m not bending over backwards or forking over hundreds of dollars to make our guests feel welcome/at home. It is our day, dammit. I would rather spend my budget on the open bar for everyone instead of stupid party favors that’ll end up in the garbage.

  3. Oh wedding planning… we are officially at the 6 month mark today (when did that happen?!?!), and my uber-confidence at everything we have done is waning… ugh!

    I have to remind myself a lot that my mom, his mom, his sister, & his aunt (see a trend?) mean well – they just need to understand that I have it under control, and if I didn’t – I would ask for help. SO DROP IT.

    And Leah – I’m with you. It is our day, and if you don’t like our cake, or our music, or whatever – I really don’t care to hear about it. This is the only time I plan on getting married, and I will have things the way I (we) want them. I’m not a bridezilla, just a bride! K, I’m done venting now 🙂

  4. *stands up and applauds*. Very, very well stated, I agree with 100% of what you said.

    6 months after the fact, I am so glad to be back to our boring life on the couch with our furbabies.

  5. You made my morning. Loved this post.

  6. Very nice. Luckily it seems like my family is letting me do my own thing in regards to the wedding and I’m not feeling all that stressed. My stress comes from my stupid wedding dress and the fact that it does not fit. I find it very odd that I’m not stressed- I’m not usually a “roll with the punches” kind of person.
    If it helps, I think your wedding will be amazing and I can’t wait to see pictures 🙂

  7. […] Jump to Comments Brie over at The Fit Bride has a great post up on her blog today:  Open Letter Thursday:  Stressed Bride Edition.  Basically, it’s an open letter that details some of the stereotypes people seem to have […]

  8. Great post! I am so sick of people telling me the day is all about me. No, it’s about me, my husband, and all our guests.

  9. I just wrote about the same thing today! I am totally feeling it. Enough with the constant expectation of euphoria. I just want to enjoy myself with some close family and friends.


    U just made my day!!

    …the <>: awsome!!! funny 🙂

  11. this post rocks. Amen!

  12. I have been slacking like woah on OLT, so I’m so glad that you did one!! This is a great post. Amen to all of it and I can’t believe how fast your wedding is coming up!

  13. Fantastic post! My wedding is in 86 days and I can SOOOOO relate!

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