5 days to go!

And it was a doozy.

I don’t want to go into specific details on the blog, but this morning, I had a full blown panic attack by 6:45 am.  Hyperventilating, crying, wanting to puke, the whole nine yards.  Went to work, was fine, began completely panicking again around 10:30.  Control sobs in office.  Boss walks in, catches me crying, is totally awesome and understanding.  I take an early lunch and go to the gym.

Basically, what it boils down to is that weddings are really, really emotionally charged.  My emotions are at DEFCON-5 right about now.  I cried listening to the song “Forever” by Chris Brown last week in the car, for Pete’s sake.  My family’s are as well.  It’s not pretty.  There is some definite tension going on.  I am trying very hard to remember that feelings are just that—feelings—not the truth of the situation.  I just hope to God everyone can calm the fuck down (myself included) by Saturday, because I don’t want our wedding to be brought down by a bunch of drama llamas.

Anyway.  The workout.  Since I’d been bawling my eyes out, it wasn’t exactly the most intense gym session ever.  Jogged slowly to the gym, did some heavy squats and shoulder presses, felt like that was too taxing, chilled on the elliptical for 20 minutes, walked back.  It’s better than nothing.  It was seriously restorative, though, and just going through the motions of the gym felt incredible.  Sometimes I work out for reasons other than burning calories, and today was one of those days.

Tim’s out picking up his new spectacles tonight (hooray!) so I’m flying solo.  I’m decompressing with the following.  A healthy, HEALTHY glass of:

And a giant quesadilla with cheese and leftover chicken from last night.

We also got some of our flatware as a wedding gift in the mail!

Our registries are pretty well pillaged lately. Good times.

And fuckyouverymuch, 10 day forecast.

  

In happier news, I’ve been coffee/Diet Coke/red wine free for a week and a half-ish now.  Not dead yet!

My eyes are burning.  I’m going to go curl up with a beagle and a disagreeable tabby cat.

Don’t forget to enter to win some totally awesome Cascadian Farms goodies!

What’s your favorite kind of wine?  I’m usually a cabernet girl, but I can appreciate a good Riesling or Moscato too!

It’s the final countdown

Arrested Development, anyone?

 

This morning…I got to sleep in an extra hour!

It was to go to the gynecologist, though.  Oddly, this is something I don’t mind, probably because my mom worked for OB/GYNs for 20 years, and I worked there after school in high school.  I’m kind of desensitized.

Fun fact: My old gynecologist is coming to our wedding!  (I switched because of the move, obviously.)  She’s a family friend.

This office was a little odd.  There were lots of teddy bears in the room:

And a shelf of old-timey medicine bottles…and more teddy bears.

Anyway, take this as your reminder to get annual pap smears.  (finger wag)

Unfortunately, I have a cyst of some kind that’s going to have to be monitored.  But, the doc says it’s nothing to worry about and I trust her.

There was no workout today.  I was late to work because of the appointment, and there was a going away luncheon for someone at work.  BBQ was on the menu—I skipped the sides and just had a sandwich with barbecue beef. 

I also had about half of a small slice of cheesecake. 

Around 4 p.m., I snacked on my Greek yogurt that was in my lunch (I forgot about said luncheon and brought a lunch anyway).  I knew I’d be getting home late tonight!

 

Because of my final dress fitting!

I have a wedding dress hanging in my house now.  Whoa.

Unfortunately, I felt kind of dumpy and gross in it tonight.  Apparently, every other time I try on my wedding dress sucks…so, that means when I put it on in ten days, it will be great!  It’s hard not to see the other super-skinny brides in beautiful dresses and say “I wish I looked like that” or “Her dress is prettier than mine.”

I am doing my best to chalk it up to the fact that it was a long day at work, I was tired and didn’t feel like being there, and I didn’t have any of my accessories/veil on. 

I got home, and another wedding gift!

Ramekins!

Unfortunately, klutzy me actually managed to drop one on the floor and break it while I was unwrapping.  So…now we have 7 ramekins, not 8.  Luckily, they are only $2.50 and easily replaced.

Julia asked in the comments to yesterday’s post how I was feeling, so I thought it’d be a good time to discuss my mental state.

I think the best way I can describe how I’ve felt for the last week is like I have perma-PMS.  I am moody.  Some moments I am over the moon happy and excited, but in a moment I can snap and feel like taking someone’s head off.  Last night I had a full-out breakdown—I deal with stress by crying, and I tend to let small things build up and let them all out at once rather than deal with things one at a time.  Basically, what it amounted to is that I’m overwhelmed.  I keep getting questions from wedding guests and family members, I’m juggling emails with the florist, the photographer, the hotel, the pastor, and the reception venue, and I’m….overwhelmed.  And coming to the realization that even though I’ve heard it over and over, I can’t really make everyone happy.  And I feel guilty for feeling this way, because I feel like I should be giddy and giggling and radiating glitter.

And those four people?  Still haven’t RSVPed.

I am ready to be done and be married.  I’m sure the wedding day is going to be awesome, and ultimately, I am very thankful for my friends and family that care so much about me and Tim.   But…right now the last minute things still have to get done, and they’re stressing me out.

Hopefully I will get a ton of stuff done this weekend.  Until then…I’m breathing.  And putting one foot in front of the other, and keeping my eye on the prize.  It will all be okay.

It’s Friday, I’m in love

TGIF, friends.  TGIF.

Today I was determined to have a fresh green monster at lunchtime, no matter how crazy I had to be to do it. 

I packed the components separately—1 cup of milk, frozen strawberries and half a frozen sliced bananer, and a whole bunch of spinach and protein powder.

And yes, I brought my Magic Bullet to work today.  It’s that fabulous.

It was kind of messy.  I went through lots of paper towels because I packed the cup too full.

But in the end, I reaped a delicious reward—a strawberry choco-nana green monster.  I swear these things keep me full for hours.

 

I also had this random trail mix left over from my Christmas stocking, and a turkey sammich on a bagel thin.  My goal was to take in a lot of food pre-run today to avoid the voms afterward.

Look at my pretty new Feetures socks!  These were my pity purchase at the running store yesterday.  God love them.

I also wrapped my feet with Second Skin pads and moleskin before my long run.  The pads are funny—they’re kind of like jelly, and they are really ice cold when you stick them to your feet.

Then you cover them with moleskin.

I did this to the arches of both feet.

I wasn’t really hungry pre-workout, but ate half a Clif Builder’s Bar anyway.  I was planning to eat the other half on my way home from the gym, but I wasn’t that hungry afterwards so I didn’t.

Anyway, apparently my action plan paid off.  The verdict?  8 miles in 1:19:30, shaving 1 minute off last week’s time.  Woo!  I knew it would be a good run when all the treadmills were open, so I could pick my favorite—the one where you can watch the news channel AND the sunset out the window with a fan directly aimed at you. Bliss.

Random: does everyone else’s gym have Super Fit Guy (or Girl)?  Because I am in constant awe of this dude I see at the gym every day.  He looks like this:

Dr. Benton, from old school ER, but in running clothes.  He gets on the treadmill and runs 5 miles at a 6:00-6:30 pace…and then goes and lifts for about half an hour.  When he finished his run I felt like I should congratulate him, but that would be awkward.  Anyway.  I find people who are truly athletic and in effortless good shape inspiring.  Hats off to you, Super Fit Guy!

In other news, Chocolate Outrage is indeed Outrageously Good.  It does taste like frosting and will probably become my go-tu Gu.   Yum!

Anyhoo, my run was pretty uneventful, which is good.  At about mile 5, the moleskin on my foot started (surprise surprise) rubbing and irritating my foot.  So, now I’ve added chafing and a few more blisters to each foot.  Ironic, huh—the anti-blister moleskin…gives me blisters.  WTF.

Left foot post-run:

And right:

Oh, running.  You hurt so good.  When I got home, out of curiosity, I did the Runner’s World wet foot test (twice).  I am having trouble interpreting the results, though.  Help?

In other news, more RSVPs today!  5 yeses, 2 nos.  I love the notes people are writing on them!

We also got a wedding card from Tim’s great-aunt and uncle.  I love this sweet note.

Getting RSVPs is really exciting, but I’m not going to lie—wedding stress has been starting to get to me.  I feel like I’m being tugged in a million directions, and though I think people mean well, it’s incredibly stressful to try to please everyone (even though I know I won’t).  Ultimately, I’m just trying to focus on Tim and drown out the noise, but it’s been hard.  Please tell me it’s worth it!

So, that’s that.  I think Tim and I are off to Coldstone for a little post-run refueling.  Have a great night!

Chill.

In the comments section yesterday, Inmytummy wrote:

“Is this planning thing stressful to you? You seem so calm!“

and I thought, hey, that’s a good question to answer in a post.

The answer is yes and no.  Obviously.  Wedding planning is really what you make it.  To have a wedding, you need a bride, a groom, an officiant, maybe $50 for a license and a witness.  Your wedding, contrary to popular belief, does not require a monogrammed unity candle, ribbon wands, or even a dress.  I try to keep this in mind when making wedding decisions–ultimately, everything but me and T and the officiant is gravy.  Nothing is required, other than what we’ve made ourselves require by hosting guests.

When you get a little more complicated and have guests at your wedding, etiquette requires a few more things.  Contrary to what some brides think, etiquette is not antiquated.  Etiquette is what makes guests feel welcomed and appreciated.  Did you know that wedding receptions are for the bride and groom to recieve their guests and thank them for attending?  Shocker, because from the wedding shows I’ve seen on TV, you think the reception is “all about the bride and groom.”  The phrase “it’s my day” makes me want to throw things. 

When you host wedding guests, you need to feed them, if the reception is during a mealtime and provide them with a seat at the wedding (no standing, thanks).  If you can’t afford food, host a reception that falls maybe between 2 and 4 o’clock and have cake and punch.  It doesn’t have to be an elaborate seated dinner.  Hands down, the best wedding food I’ve ever had was a barbecue buffet catered from a local joint for probably under $10 per person.  It’s doable, and it makes you look like a good person.  (And delicious.)  It’s common decency.

Phew, okay.  Back to the original question.  I am pretty relaxed about wedding planning because I try to keep those basic priorities in mind:

• Maintain a good relationship with T.
• Have an officiant.
• Have witnesses.
• Get a marriage license.
• Food for the guests.
• Seating for the guests.

Everything else is just not necessary.  Even if I blanked and didn’t book a florist, the wedding would go on just fine.  Is it what I want?  Well, no.  But I generally keep a level head about things that do not compromise any of the above.

I will confess to throwing one bridezilla fit.  Long story short, it involves some stated rules posted online not being followed by the people who promulgated the rules, and it involved one or more of the things above.  But instead of taking it out on the person, (after crying and throwing a temper tantrum in the comfort of my own home), I just removed myself from the situation and asked the sweet, level-headed, logical, and patient T to deal with the issue for the rest of the wedding planning.  And it’s been fine.  I didn’t flip out on anyone but my couch pillows (and, well, okay, my mom via phone and I ranted generally in T’s direction but not AT him for awhile) because where would that get us?  Shit outta luck, that’s where. 

So, yes, generally I am pretty laid-back about this.  Here are my tips for keeping a generally pleasant engagement.

• Prioritize.  At the end of the day, just ask, “Will we be legally wed, and gracious hosts, if we don’t have this?”  IF the answer is yes, it’s not really worth your energy flipping out over.
• Have a long engagement… We will have had a 16-month engagement when all is said and done.  I get to do things in small chunks, and stop planning altogether for awhile if I get frustrated.
• …but not too long.  I think our 16 months is pushing it–ideally, I think a year long engagement is perfect.  You’ll have plenty of time to relax, but still get to enjoy being engaged.  We’ve been engaged for 9.5 months now and I”m starting to get a teensy bit ready to get the show on the road already.
• Delegate.  People love to help with weddings.  My mom and aunts, in particular, have ASKED for “wedding jobs” to do, so I’m using them.  I could care less what the flower girl’s basket looks like, but my mom collects baskets and loves them, so I asked her to figure that out and she’s thrilled.   One aunt volunteers at a Goodwill store and is collecting photo frames for our collection of family photos.  Be kind and gracious to these people and write thank you notes.  Don’t ask for help from people other than your fiance, but if they offer it, feel free to accept.
• Use the groom.  If he’s old enough to be getting married, he’s old enough to help you.  Don’t make him do the stuff that he doesn’t care about, like pick out bridesmaid’s dresses.  Is he into computers?  He can make a wedding website.  Does he like to tinker around with carpentry?  Have him make a card box.  Good with directions?  He can write out the directions for the invitation. 
• Chill.  Generally, just chill.  I asked T once what was important to him wedding-wise, expecting to hear “delicious cake” or “cleavage baring dresses” as a wise-ass response.  But he said simply, “That we are legally wed at the end of the day.”  When you can sense a bridezilla fit building, just remind yourself–even if things aren’t perfect, you will still be married when all is said and done.
• Remember the following: Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do.  Don’t get the notion that they should. 
• Pick your battles.  I stand up for the things I care about–and let the ones I don’t go.  I refuse to fight for things that aren’t worth fighting for.

What are your tips for keeping wedding related stress low?